Wednesday, May 29, 2013


Coming from a woman who fomerly dubbed herself a shoe whore, I tell you now the shoes I wear now suck. My shoes see my child fight to live. He's a child he shouldn't have to fight. The pain I feel almost everyday is not a pain I wish the world to know. My shoes are not shoes I wish anyone else to wear.
My kids have been since the day they were born, my all, my life my strength. And watching yur baby boy so sick and mustering up his all everyday, not being classified normal. Is so hard.
My shoes are not for sale.... no money in the world would be worth these shoes worn by anyone else.

My shoes are fine I know, but they are not yours they are my own.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Someone said to me that maybe the general public doesn't understand how difficult cancer is on a child, children are so resilient. So now it's time to lay some of my heart out, and if it makes some of you cry, then good, your understanding of what this does to the child, and the family are more felt in your hearts.
While it is true that children are resilient, that doesn't mean they don't hurt, physically, emotionally, spiritually, what have you. The pain they feel based on age, can't always be expressed. They don't fully understand cancer, and what's wrong. And don't get me going on emotionally. To a child who wakes up one morning to the pile of hair on their pillow, this is devastating. They get the stares of the ignorant, wondering why this child is bald and pale, it's called treatment for the cancer yah dip. Google it. A child doesn't understand fully why they have no hair anymore, and why even adults stare at them.
Even as the family of these beautiful children, we don't understand. We want to, but can't. We can't fathom that such a precious young soul should have to fight so hard for the life we all take for granted. And you add that burden of not knowing what the future holds. It's a heavy burden. too heavy for most to understand.
The burden of watching your child suffer, stares of the ignorant, and burdens of other, as you are, if course the parent. Imagine feeling so lost, and lonely. Needing a helping hand, but too proud to admit it, then add the pain of a child, and your pain not knowing how to help them. As a parent you dream of the wonderful things your child will be when the grow up. As a parent of a child with cancer fighting for their life, your biggest dream is that your child will actually have the chance to grow up.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Yard sale

Thank you to everyone who helped support Korbyn at the yard sale today. It was a lot if fun.
The hat looks good. My opinion Korbyn wore it best.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

I can't seen to get a song out of my head, every time I look at my little boy.
I never thought I'd be in this place, it's someone elses life I'm living, wish I were living a lie.
Never did I ever think my son would be the one needing the help, my whole world has been turned around. I'm used to being the one trying to see how I can help others, not the one needing someone to help us.
It's not an easy place to be. My son and daughter are my world and all I ever want is for them to be ok. And seeing my baby literally fight for his life, because this demon bitch (pardon the language) has chosen to place her wrath on an innocent child. Is the hardest thing I think I have ever been through.
They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Well bring on the buick, for the bench pressing.
I would be lying if I said my pillow is dry every night, and I am one seriously tough mama. It's not dry. I cry. A LOT. for those that know me, you know my truly manifested devotion and obsession with shoes. Well I hate my shoes right now.

Don't get me wrong korbyn is so strong and brave, and reminds me of that everyday. I just hurt. I can't explain the hurt. I tried. Sometimes all I can do is hold him, and cry with him.
Many people have asked if I need a break. I do, but give me time. I love that you ask, but please understand, I need time to just be with my kids. I need time to let them be with me.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

When you have cancer, or other immuno compromising conditions, a simple cold lands you in the hospital. It's not right, but it's okay. We just keep breathing. It's funny how the fear of how can we do this, emotionally, physically,  pyschologically, financially, mentally. Turns into, we have too. Korbyn being 3 feeds his strength off of us. And he needs to see that we can't, and won't give up. EVER. that's not an option.
These pictures are how he spent the night, cuddling with daddy, for comfort. It's hard to see my little boy hurting, but when he smiles, it eases that pain.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Korbyn playing with his favorite toys at the hospital.

Korbyn  playing with cars he is such a fighter I am so proud of him.  And it doesn't matter what mood your in he can always bring a smile to your face.

In an effort to minimize more damage to korbyns kidneys we are on home fluids, until he starts to drink on his own. This of course is not an easy thing to watch your 3 yr old have to do.
We have been seen by so many oncologists this week, and nobody can figure out why he isn't drinking anything and won't.
My little boy and his sister are my world, and it hurts to see him hurting.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

New adventure

Well korbyn has a different kind of drinking problem....he won't. So tonight we get to be y
Trained on home iv fluids, and the pump.
Hes off the drinking wagon, just quit cold turkey you might say. yah for new electronic toys. 8 days in and out of the hospital for his drinking problem.

Today we run for Korbyn Walker Ricord | Miles 2 Give

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Legos for leukemia

We were finally able to pick up korbyns legos from primary childrens hospital, at clinic yesterday. And they had a set for his sister too. And I almost burst into tears. Kynzee of course was so excited to build it, so we did.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Our visitors.

We had some ducks visit our front yard. So naturally, I ran into the house grabbed the kids, and bread. They had a blast until the ducks flew home.
So we had left over pops from new years, and had fun with those, since our duck friends apparently had better plans.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Korbyn is being his silly little self today. He was an angry "south pole elf" earlier when danica the home care nurse was here. He even said he is not a fanica of danica. I like her, she is very sweet.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Today we want to say thank you to some wonderful people who through their kindness and hearts are reaching out to help our adorable ninja warrior.
Words can't describe the gratitude we feel in our hearts.

I pray that no one had to be in this place, but grateful for those who are willing, and wanting to help.
My eyes are so full of tears this evening, in gratitude for wonderful people who are there in your time of need.
Through whatever trials lie ahead, and hard times, through this experience. I know down the road in the years to come. I will be there to help others in their time of need.
Of all of the things, I have to strengthen through all this, one for sure is my stomach, chemo makes you pukey, and 3 yr olds with ouchy legs, have a hard time running to the potty. And we haven't had lasagne for dinner since, that....umm... Wonderful evening.

Korbyn has taught me so much this past month, about life, strength, bravery, and courage, but most of all he has taught me about love. The love I have for my children, though most of the time mama bearish, has never had me down on my knees in prayer to the heavens, more so than this past couple months.

Thank you, for all the wonderful people showing some lovin for the korbster man. 

Monday, May 6, 2013

Getting more energy

Well as the steroids wear off the korbster is getting more energy back. He still has some muscular atrophy in his legs, and walks very unsteadily, he doesn't let that slow him down too much, he scoots on his butt, and crawls with the best of them.
This little boy shows us all that being sick is not an excuse to give up.
We have a long tiresome road ahead, there will be ups and downs, but there will be no giving up.
We enjoyed some off roading friday, and korbyn thought the underwear tree we stumbled across was the funniest thing ever.
He keeps talking about it.

Cowboy korbyns rides again

For the first time in over a month little cowboy wanted boots and a hat, and wanted to be a cowboy korbyn. Yeah for little victories