Tuesday, July 30, 2013

today we talk about some emotional aspects of childhood cancer.
when we potty trained korbyn in february before he was diagnosed, I bribed him, by telling him he could go to school like big sister does, if he's a big boy and goes potty in the toilet.
it took a weekend. he wants to be a big boy. as we move closer to kindergarten for sissy he sees that we are getting her set for school. and heart break sets in, on me as he asks about ms. julie, and who will drop him off, and pick him up from preschool.
it may seem dumb to you, but it is so hard emotionally. how do you explain this to a 3 year old, that you can't go to preschool. stupid cancer put her nose in our lives, and even though you are a big boy and earned it, you can't go. He wants to go to ms. Julies class, he loves her. and as a mommy it is so hard to break this promise to him.
schooling as well is something that is taken for granted. and with pediatric cancer is an emotional pain that's not always seen. the tears of this little boy, as I tell him he can't go to preschool, hurt beyond words. and I can't even console him. he pushes me away and says leave him alone. because he is hurting. and his hurt in this mothers heart, is a pain no one can ease. its a burden no one can lighten, its a tear no one can dry.

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